Two years into running track at Western Michigan University, my coach Jack Shaw pulled me aside and said, "Tony, you're doing absolutely horrible."

Then he told me why. Our team had two of the best athletes in the country, and I'd never spent a minute with either of them. I was hanging out by the high jump mat. Not bad people. Just not the people who were going to make me better.

He didn't call me out. He called me up.

I've been thinking about that difference ever since.

What does "called up, not called out" mean?

The short answer: calling someone out is pointing at what they did wrong. Calling someone up is telling them the truth because you believe they can be better, and then pointing them toward it. Calling out is about the past. Calling up is about who the person could be next. The best leaders do the second one, and they do it on purpose.

The question great leaders ask

Most leaders walk into the week asking, "What's not working?" Fair question. Somebody has to ask it.

But the leaders people remember ask a different one. Who did something worth noticing?

Not the big win everybody already saw. The quiet stuff. The person who stayed late to fix something that wasn't their job. The one who made the new hire feel welcome. The call nobody knows they made.

Why noticing people matters

A Gallup and Workhuman study that tracked nearly 3,500 employees found that well recognized employees were 45% less likely to have left after two years. But only 22% of employees say they get the right amount of recognition for their work. More than half of U.S. workers either get no recognition at all or recognition that doesn't really land.

And notice it says the right recognition. Not a pizza party. Not "great job, team" in a Friday email. Specific, personal, and about something the person actually did.

Allies and thieves

In my book Stop Living on Autopilot, I wrote about two kinds of people in your life.

Thieves of Ambition don't encourage you, don't inspire you, don't challenge you, don't push you, and don't hold you accountable. You walk away from them with less energy than you came in with. Thieves call people out and then do nothing else.

Allies of Glory do all five. They encourage, inspire, challenge, push, and hold you accountable. You leave with more energy than you came in with. Allies call each other up, even if it's with tough love. Like Coach Shaw did with me.

For leaders, there's a second question after "Who are my allies?" It's "Am I one?" Would your team put you on the ally list?

How to call someone up

1. Notice something specific

"You handled that client call really well" is nice. "The way you slowed that client down and asked what they were actually worried about saved that account" is calling someone up. Specific means you were paying attention.

2. Tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable

Coach Shaw didn't sugarcoat it. "You're doing absolutely horrible" isn't a compliment. But it came with belief. Calling someone up isn't only praise. Sometimes it's the hard conversation everybody else is avoiding.

3. Point them somewhere

Don't just name the gap. Show them the next step. An introduction. A stretch assignment. A person they should be spending time with.

4. Do it when nobody's watching

The note. The phone call. Standing behind someone when it wasn't popular.

The invisible work of leadership

Most of what makes someone a great leader never shows up in a performance review.

Coach Shaw didn't get credit for what he did for me that day. Nobody was watching. But I'm still telling the story, and I'm still trying to do for other people what he did for me.

How I help organizations with this

I work with leadership teams who want to get better at noticing their people. A keynote gives the whole room the question and the language: called up, not called out. A workshop, in person or virtual, gives managers time to practice it on real situations from their own teams. Group or one on one coaching keeps it going after, when the old habits come back. You can see my current keynotes on my speaking page.

FAQs

Q: What's the difference between calling someone out and calling someone up?
A: Calling out points at what someone did wrong. Calling up tells them the truth because you believe they can do better, and points them toward the next step.

Q: Why does employee recognition matter?
A: Gallup and Workhuman research found well recognized employees were 45% less likely to leave after two years, yet only 22% of employees say they get the right amount of recognition.

Q: What are allies and thieves?
A: From Antonio Neves's book Stop Living on Autopilot. Allies of Glory encourage, inspire, challenge, push, and hold you accountable. Thieves of Ambition do none of those things and drain your energy.

Q: Does Antonio Neves speak on leadership and recognition?
A: Yes. Through keynotes, in person and virtual workshops, and group or one on one coaching for leaders.

Final Word

Somebody on your team did something worth noticing this week.

Do they know you saw it?

If you want your leaders asking that question, let's talk.